Saying 'no'

[wood_elf]

Hi all. Knitting etiquette question.

I recently made myself a shawl (see here). It's green and spiky and I love it quite a lot.

Was wearing it today and a person (nice person, want to remain on good terms with this person) also liked it a lot and asked me to knit her one. She was serious about this and offered to buy yarn for it there and then.

I want to say 'no' because I don't want to spend another month knitting the exact same pattern in the same yarn. I don't get as much knitting time as I would like (I mainly knit while commuting), and would rather use the time I have selfishly on projects of my choosing.

This person is very generous and has given me yarngifts in the past (she knits herself, so must understand the time and work involved). I don't want to say 'no' but I really don't want to knit a shawl for her. Any ideas how to proceed while maintaining a good relationship?

There may be an obvious gracious solution I'm overlooking but can be a bit socially clueless at times.

Comments

[indywind]

Fine suggestions in comments above.

I only want to say: It is always polite to simply say No.
It is not impolite or ungracious to say no without giving an explanation or excuse. It's not impolite or ungracious to just say no, without softening the no with a "maybe later" or an offer of something else. A way to make refusal gentle and gracious is to thank the person for the compliment of their interest, and pay them the return compliment of expecting them to be a kind-intentioned and well-mannered person who can accept a No. Adding an apology is polite, and recommended especially if you do feel regret: "I'm sorry but no," or "I'd rather not, sorry," or "I regret that I won't be able to" etc. Adding explanation is not necessarily bad-- it may help the other person understand your reasons and accept them agreeably, OR they may see it as an invitation to try to change your mind-- but regardless, explanation is not required for politeness or kindness.
Then, how the other person responds is up to them.
If they cannot accept a plain polite No without arguing, wheedling, or taking offense, it is they who are being impolite. It takes two to maintain a good relationship.

This is the case regardless what favor is being requested, how knowledgeable the other person is or isn't about the effort or difficulty involved, and regardless of of what kindnesses or gifts they've given previously.

I think this important to repeat, to counter the many repetitions of the opposite message, that saying No about anything is only OK if one does it in some special way that keeps the other person from minding.

[geeksdoitbetter]

hooray for clarity, sincerity and brevity

all hail the mighty, "no"